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Desire Without Intimacy

I want to share a simple thought about love, desire, and relationships not as a lecture, but as a conversation.

This is about how many of us relate to each other today, regardless of who we love.

Today, desire is everywhere. Dating apps, social media, and pornography make connections look easy and endless. You can meet someone fast, feel close fast, and move on just as fast. At first, this feels like a sense of freedom but over time, But over time, something starts to feel missing.

Hookup culture has shaped how many of us approach relationships. It teaches us to enjoy the moment but avoid depth. We learn to keep things light, neither too serious nor too emotional. Caring too much is often seen as a weakness, so people learn how to want, but not how to stay.

Emotionally, many people become guarded. They feel things deeply but hide them.
Intellectually, important conversations are delayed or avoided about values, intentions, or the future.
This creates confusion. People want closeness, but pull away when it appears.
They mistake discomfort for incompatibility and distance for strength.

These patterns don’t stop at romance. They show up in friendships, too.
Gossip replaces honesty. Competition replaces support.
Some friendships survive on pretending rather than trust.
People smile together while quietly undermining one another.

Top of the tea…social judgment makes genuine connections harder.
Many environments reward confidence, image, and emotional toughness.
Those who move more slowly, ask questions, or want clarity may be seen as “too much” or “too serious.” so people adjust themselves to fit in, even when it costs them peace.

Social media encourages us to perform our lives. Desire, success, and happiness are displayed, while uncertainty and longing are hidden. People can appear fulfilled while feeling deeply alone. They show attraction, confidence, or freedom, yet still hope for connection behind the scenes.

This is not about blaming anyone darling…
These are systems we all live inside, systems that influence how we think, choose, and love.

Across all kinds of relationships, romantic, platonic, or family, the same patterns show up:
emotional distance,
unspoken expectations,
imbalanced responsibility,
and silent resentment.

Healthy relationships don’t require perfection.
They require emotional flexibility.
They require shared effort.
They require the courage to talk honestly and listen without defense.

Love should not feel like survival.
Helping should not mean losing yourself.
Connection should not require pretending.

At some point, each of us has to pause and choose.
Do we keep repeating what feels familiar, or do we choose what feels healthy?
Do we chase validation, or do we build understanding?
Do we protect our image, or do we show up honestly?

That choice matters more than any label.

MIKEOWILLS

Hi, I am Okumu Mike Wills—a passionate Writer, Blogger & Virtual Assistant.